Small reminders

As Brendan is getting older it's amazing how much he takes in while observing our daily life.  It's amazing and scary at the same time.  We really have to watch how we act, react and what we say...we've been saying that, but now it's really true!

Brendan has observed chores for awhile now and without any prompting he jumps right in to help.  My little helper gladly picks crumbs off the floor and puts them in the garbage and he helps unload the dishwasher!  Yes, the dishwasher!  He picks up plates and silverware and actually hands them to me so I can put them away.  It's probably the cutest thing ever and makes me smile every time.  I actually look forward to emptying the dishwasher now, because it makes him so pleased to be helping me.

All of this observing and mimicking has a downside too, as I sadly found out.  Brendan was extra cranky a few nights ago and I had dinner dishes to clean up and food to put away.  Brendan kept bringing his toys into the kitchen and leaving them there.  I then kept tripping on the toys and stubbing my toes.  It was the end of the day and was getting extra cranky by the minute.  I slid on yet another toy and lost it (poor reaction #1), and Brendan chose that moment to throw another tantrum (a kicking, back arching, head banging into the floor tantrum), so I really lost it and started taking his toys and throwing them back into the living room (poor reaction #2).  Yes, I actually threw his toys, all the while Brendan carefully observing my very own tantrum.  No more than 30 seconds later, Brendan started picking up his toys and throwing them into the living room too.  That's when it REALLY hit me that he really does watch and pick up on EVERYTHING we do.  I felt awful, to say the least, about the poor example I had just set for my son.  So I sat down against the fridge and cried a little and my little observer came up to me, put his arm around my neck and patted my shoulder (his new thing when hugging us, he now pats our backs).  Which of course made me feel a million times better because obviously he'd observed us doing that to each other and to him before.  My almost 16 month old son was comforting ME.  Needless to say, I've really been watching how I react to everyday situations, trying my best to set a good example for Brendan, all it took was one small reminder.

Ahoy!

I signed Brendan up for 8 swim lessons, at the tune of $55, at the Woodstock Water Works.  It was a parent-tot program, where I got in the water with him.  We sang a lot of songs, worked on bubbles (B was clueless on the concept of blowing), played with toys, floated on our stomachs (this was okay), floated on our backs (this was not okay), and went down the kiddie pirate water slide (too many times to count).  Overall, I think it benefited Brendan and me.  he got to see other little kids in the water and got more exposure in the water and I know some things I can do with B when we're in the water, to help him even further.  We only ended up going to 6 of the lessons (sick and out of town), but it was still worth it!  On the last day of lessons, they allowed both parents to swim and we had free reign over the whole park.  I took B down the big curly water slide and he was indifferent.  You could tell he was unsure about it because he couldn't see the end and because we weren't going fast enough, he likes fast slides (who doesn't!?).  So we went on the "wheee" (as Brendan calls the mini pirate water slide) 50 times.  We even tried sending him down on his own, he doesn't quite understand the physics of a slide yet, that he needs to sit straight up and forward ever so slightly, so it didn't go too well.  We're going to the water park after his afternoon nap today, it should be interesting to see how he does with a lot of people around!

Eat your vegetables, please! Please? Pretty please?

Brendan has many new things happening with him lately, some are good, many are bad.  I'll start with a positive, as I did when conducting parent-teacher conferences, Brendan actually held my hand about 65% of the time when we went for a walk yesterday evening (huge improvement!).  On to the not so good (but not horribly awful either)...Brendan at almost 16 months old has found screaming.  Not the screaming due to crying, but the screaming because we are doing something to him that he does not want done (i.e. wiping face) or taking him away from something he wants (i.e. the remote or going into the street), I could go on.  He found the scream that is so high-pitched and loud that it makes you cringe and flinch.  The kind of scream that hurts your ears.  He takes pleasure in these screams as well, even when we have no reaction to them, he just keeps doing it because HE likes hearing it.  I just can't wait to hear this new-found scream in church, the store, the library...

Brendan's eating habits are confusing to say the least.  He once ate ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, up until about 2.5 months ago.  What happened?!   I was so proud that my son ate broccoli, green beans, sweet potatoes, spinach, carrots, peas, and not in puree form either...the real stuff!  Then all of a sudden, he'd only eat broccoli and green beans, I could live with that, but now it's nothing.  No vegetables.  It's such a horrible cliche about kids and not liking vegetables, but it's found its way into our house!  And I'm so desperate to get him his vegetables!  He eats fruits pretty well.  Meaning he'll eat a peach/pear fruit cup one day and then 3 days later spit out every piece of fruit or just plain out refuse to take a bite, then the next time I offer the fruit cup, he'll eat the whole thing and want more!  At least this kid will eat bananas, I think he eats a banana a day, so we've got that going for us!  So I've been trying to figure out how I can give him veggies.  Hmmmm, applesauce and pureed carrots wouldn't be awful, disguised with some cinnamon...so this morning I boiled some carrots, pureed them and we'll see if he'll eat his applesauce at lunch today.  I haven't figured out how I can get the green veggies into his other foods.  He loves pizza, so maybe I'll make a homemade pizza with tomato/sweet potato puree sauce, bits of broccoli, covered in his beloved cheese!  Hmmm, could be interesting.  I don't know if this borders on desperate or if I can call it being clever...

Mom, Ma, Hi

First I'd like to say that moms are not allowed to get sick.  It's just not right.  I am blessed enough to have a caring husband who helps out extra when I'm not feeling well.  But I still had to get my couponing in at Meijer and SuperTarget yesterday, someone had to do it!

Brendan is still wearing many hats, one minute he's Mr. Opposition, the next he's Mr. Flailing, and the next Mr. Screamo, and the next Mr. Maniac...

However, he did make me quite happy yesterday afternoon.  I begged Charlie to get up (he was sleeping, it was his "nighttime") and go change his diaper after his nap, because I was still so chilled and achey.  So Charlie did and I figured I better go in there and check my temperature (100.8).  Brendan had been crying and stopped when he saw me, but as soon as I stepped out of view behind Charlie, to grab the thermometer, Brendan started fussing again and said, clear as day, "mom?, ma?".  I was stunned and very disbelieving at the same time.  I've been waiting so long to hear him say ma or mom with meaning that I gave up all hope.  Especially since he had no trouble saying mooo for a cow and mo for more.  He's been walking around saying dada with meaning for a long time!  So I looked over at Charlie and he looked at me, and he said, I think that was a definite mom, and I still didn't believe it and thought it was a coincidence.

I then was driving to the stores and B was babbling away in the backseat, and I hear "ma? ma?", so I turn around (hoping he really meant me, because it tickled me pink!), and said "what Brendan?".  He then goes, "hi!".  I burst out laughing.  I was so happy and so excited.  And to top it off he said "weee" as we went down the hill on Haligus, which made me laugh even harder.  So far today he hasn't used "mom" or "ma", but I'll take what I can get!

So the moral of the story is that even though he's been a royal pain in the tukhas, he still makes me proud and quite happy.  He's my little ray of sunshine who ends up making me laugh several times a day with his crazy antics.

Cryin' in the shower

It's going to be one of those nights, that when I take a shower, I cry and cry and cry.  I was originally only going to talk about Brendan and his development and keep track of it on this blog, but I was naive and know that I need this outlet for EVERYTHING involving Brendan and my life.

I didn't think B was going to be so awful at 15 1/2 months (and yet so awesome at the same time).  He has become defiant overnight.  Changing his diaper is a nightmare.  He kicks so violently when trying to take off his shorts and diaper and while trying to put a diaper back on.  It's ridiculous.  I feel like I've tried every reaction to it...I've yelled (and then gotten mad at myself for yelling), I've ignored it completely (all the while getting bruises from being kicked so hard), I've shown him how it hurts mommy and it makes me sad (bring on the fake tears...that actually worked a few times).  I give up.  I just don't know what to do and that behavior is just the tip of the iceberg.  I thought I had some time until the "terrible twos"!!!  EVERYTHING is a major struggle.  When it's finally time for Charlie to get up (did I mention I friggin' hate him on midnights?!?!), it's dinner time and my patience has worn VERY thin.  I remind myself all day that I was able to keep my patience (98% of the time, except when pregnant) with 150 different kids each day while teaching, so I should be able to keep my patience with one tiny child.  Brendan loves to throw himself on the floor, and hitting his head on our hardwood floors, when upset and not getting his way.  I do love that I'm "tough" and can outride his tantrums, letting him be while he has them.  That's not the problem.  Well, not a problem when I'm just cooking dinner or doing something else around the house, but when I actually NEED him to get something done and accomplished and he doesn't cooperate, that's a different story.  After dinner today I decided to take him for a long walk in the stroller and when we got back we'd play with his outside toys.  I told him to get his shoes, which he did, but sitting him on the bench to get them on was a nightmare.  Screaming, arching, flailing, and kicking ensued.  For shoes!  Shoes!

I know that everything at this point is a test.  He's testing his limits, exploring cause and effect, I get that. But an entire day of it.  Day after day. (literally)  I. AM. GOING. NUTS.  I feel like a failure.  I feel awful if I do lose my temper and shout at him.  I feel awful that I WANT to spank him.  I feel overwhelmed.  And I only have one child!  What happens with two!?  Should we even have a second child?!  I can't bank on the fact that the second one would be more mellow.

Brendan didn't smile at me once during his bath tonight.  I feel like he hates me or is at least mad at me for not being a better mom to him.

Brendan is amazing for so many reasons too.  He loves exploring (we knew the name would fit the lil' guy we hadn't met yet), he loves to smile.  We get to share knowing looks while we eat together, just between mom and Brendan.  He LOVES to read.  He dances every time he hears music, even if it's a 10 second jingle on a commercial.  He's independent (good and bad).  He's observant.  He likes to hug his stuffed panda and bunny and then have me hug them too.  He sings while in his crib when he's trying to fall asleep.  I could go on and on.  I just needed a few quick reminders as to why I do this every day; why I love him so much.  I need to remind myself that if this is the worst I get from Brendan, then I am truly lucky (it can just be so hard sometimes though).  I have friends who lost their 9-month-old son last summer and I know others who are raising children who have illnesses or disorders that are beyond trying.

It's not just Brendan that's been overwhelming me.  I feel like our basement is never going to be finished, which means our garage is in a state of disarray, along with the rest of the house.  I feel like I should be reading parenting books (to give me some insight), or organizing, or cleaning, or weeding.  OR ANYTHING.  But all I feel like doing after days like today, is sitting and crying and drinking some wine.  I hate that I'm such a 'Type A' person who has so many real touches of OCD.

This is a much longer post than I intended, but I just kept writing.  It's probably disjointed and rambling and I don't really care.  Even though the English teacher in me wants to go back and proofread it, I'm not going to.  And yes, I ended my sentence with a preposition.  Ha!

But he'll never...

He's never going to be eating "big people" food...he'll never drink water from a sippy cup...he'll never walk...he'll never talk...he'll never ride on his ride-along-toys...he'll never nap in one straight shot...he'll never like being at the pool...he'll never stop having tantrums...he'll never sleep late.

This is just a snapshot of the things I thought and think he'll never get around to...  I was complaining the other day about how he wakes up so early sometimes and someone commented to me that there will be a point when it will be impossible to get him out of his bed and to spend time with the family--always perspective.  So I've been using that as a reminder to enjoy this time that he loves to get up and be with  me.  I'm constantly thinking that he'll never get to the next stage, the one that will make it "easier".  Most of my friends' kids are older than Brendan, if only slightly in some cases, and I can see what they're capable of, and it makes me want to get to that stage all the more.  I have to remind myself sometimes that he's just younger and in time he WILL get to that point.  When he was 3 months old, I thought he'd never sleep through the night, but he did.  It seemed like he'd be on mushy baby food forever, but now he eats what we eat (well, sort of).  I didn't think he'd start a vocabulary, is he behind?!, but now he can say a few words and that will keep growing.  Right now I'm convinced he'll never know how to ride in his cozy coupe car or figure out his ride-on toys, but if history has shown me anything, he'll figure it out eventually.  And when he does, it'll seem like he never didn't know how to do it.  As for the tantrums, I realize that he'll still be having them at 16.  I mean, hey, I still have mommy tantrums!  And maybe tomorrow he'll nap only once, instead of twice and make a swan dive into the pool!  In due time, in due time.  I can only hope I stop and enjoy the present and not worry too much about the future.

On another note, Brendan is really Mr. Independent.  There are certain things he does that can either be seen as him acting independent or just maybe really, really stubborn.  Today he wanted to get into his cozy coupe car, so I opened the door and was very careful to not help him get in, but just encourage him along the way.  He eventually figured it out.  Once he did, he wanted to get out and then in, out then in, and out then in...and so on and so on.  I eventually wanted to head inside, and asking him to get out of the car didn't work, so I opened the door and went to reach for him.  He had an instant major melt-down...he looked at me all pissy, closed the door, then just sat in the car with his hands on the steering wheel.  After about 10 seconds, he opened the door and stepped out.  Apparently, he needed to do it himself.  It was hard not to laugh at his cute, little huffy face.

It is what it is

Brendan, at 15 months, is in the 80% for height and 20%tile for weight...so he's long and lean.  I'm happy! People always look at percentiles like they're the end all be all for a kids' progress in growth...they're not!  It's a comparison among other kids their age...that's it!  It doesn't mean that the kid in the 98th percentile is obese and it doesn't mean that the kid in the 15th percentile for weight is malnourished and sickly!  I don't even really pay attention to it, mainly because where my child falls on the chart may change a thousand times by the time they turn 18...I'm not concerned.  I'll be concerned when the doctor is concerned.  Brendan eats like a fiend most of the time and we're not sure where he's putting it!  He eats fruits and veggies and whole grain!  And gasp, he even gets to eat cookies and snacks once in awhile!  He should be only so lucky to have this same metabolism when he's 30! LOL
It is what it is.

Brendan did the cutest thing that I wanted to mention before I moved on to a milk update...  Lately he's been noticing crumbs on the floor (thanks Brendan for showing people that I obviously need to vacuum more often), and he's been picking them up and eating them---YUCK!  So we started telling him no and saying they're dirty, yucky, and to leave them alone.  Well, after his snack yesterday afternoon, he picked up a crumb and Charlie was telling him no, but instead of dropping it, he walked over to the garbage can and tried to put it on top of the lid...so Charlie quickly opened the lid and Brendan dropped it in the garbage can...wow!  That may not be much, but it made my day!

On to our milk woes...after many people weighing in and doing some heavy duty thinking on my part (and Charlie's), I decided to give Brendan his morning milk in a bottle again, the one right when he wakes up (I'm hoping it helps with his mood throughout the day!).  I just handed him the bottle a little bit ago, and his eyes lit up and he promptly sat on the floor and guarded the bottle as if I'd take it away and drank it like a meth addict getting a fix after days of going without.  So he'll still get milk in his sippy on his tray during meals, because that is what it boils down to, not being held while having a bottle throughout the day.  He also does not get a bottle or any milk at bedtime, he's been not wanting it anyway, so why give it to him when he doesn't want it!?  So right now he seems pretty happy and is playing with toys...we'll see how long the good mood lasts!