Nightly nursing gone

I am all about nursing for as long as possible, one year being my maximum. If I can give my son the best stuff and it's free, why not? But recently I wanted a little more freedom. I always have to do the bedtime routine, Charlie helps, but I always have to be the last one involved because I nurse him right before he goes into his crib. Yes, I could pump and have bottles for Charlie, but the freezer supply is almost non-existent and I would have to pump while Charlie is feeding him anyway. I would hurt way too much by the morning! I started to think about weening one of B's feedings and perhaps it should be the nighttime one because that's when I'd most likely have a sitter. And if I wasn't actively pumping, then I'd have to use formula. I'm normally so anti-formula (for myself), but I thought, what the heck! We had two free sample canisters in the pantry that never made it to the food-pantry, I figured I would try it out. Wow. I felt so guilty making up the bottle. I know that people all over use formula all of the time, but I just couldn't grasp it. I was secretly hoping B would hate it, but the other part of me was hoping that it would work. Of course B absolutely did not care about the change in his milk or the delivery. That boy just likes his food. Charlie has given it to him two nights in a row now at bedtime and it hasn't been a problem. The true test was me giving him a formula bottle at bedtime tonight. He had no problem taking it from me and he didn't want to nurse! WOW! I know that this nightly freedom will be wonderful only when I need to go out. I don't want to confuse my boobs and go back and forth between nursing and then not nursing. I still feel very conflicted about this whole decision. So many people love the night nursing, but my favorite is the first nursing of the morning. I've had time to miss my little guy and he's so cuddly and lovely. That's my favorite. That will be the one that is hard to give up, for me at least. I don't think I could go to all formula though. I'm too cheap. Why do I feel like I've betrayed myself?

Poop, poop everywhere

Tonight I felt like the worst mom ever. The time change has B completely acting crazy, but it's completely understandable. He was ready for bed, but the clock said otherwise. I decided to slowly transition him so he's going to bed by the clock again...ugh. He was freaking out in his high chair because he wanted sleep, so I picked him up and noticed a distinct smell. You know that smell, as if the water reclamation plant relocated to the baby's lower half. I pulled off his pants only to find that IT was EVERYWHERE, diaper down to calf and caked into the onesie and his pants quite nicely. B promptly nailed both feet AND both hands once his clothes were removed, which both hands made it to his chest first, then of course his mouth. Yes, his mouth. So I started having images of my child having E. Coli and the doctor asking, how in the world did this happen?! As I'm standing there like an idiot frozen in time, B is screaming and crying his eyes out. My newly cut hair falls in my face, as I try to move it behind my ear, I notice, too late, that I have IT on my hands and now it is smeared across my forehead and cheek. Sexy, right? At that point I let out a blood-curdling scream only to rival horror movies. B stops for a split-second and then kicks it up a notch and is looking at me like I'm the most evil monster coming to attack him. Great. I promptly begin to cry as well. Twenty wet-wipes later he's in the bath, which of course, he takes to peeing the minute he lands in the water. By the end of the bath he's smiling. He might've been smiling, but I was still beside myself, sniffling and carrying on like a big baby. He went through the rest of his bedtime routine like normal and seemed unphased from the prior incident. I, on the other hand, feel like the most absolutely worst mother ever. I screamed! I made him cry even louder and harder. I lost my cool, when I should be thinking clearly and calmly. But I wasn't calm. A glass of wine helped, but I almost can't wait for him to wake-up so I can give him a big hug and say I'm sorry for the thousandth time.